living and dying

Our time here on this earth is so very short!! And it passes by so quickly!! I am now at the age where I'm watching my parents grow more and more dependent on me and my brothers and sisters ( and that's fine i dont mind at all) but it is so very hard to watch your parents getting older.My dad and my mother both have COPD due to being smokers in their younger years,they both are on oxygen all the time,although my mother refuses to use hers like she should. My poor dad is getting so very skinny and it just breaks my heart to watch him fight to breath,the little things that we take for granted are a major chore for him! He can no longer take showers because steam takes his air,actually there's really not alot he can do anymore,even eating a meal is a struggle.My mother just lost another one of her sisters. There were 11 children in her family and 3yrs ago she lost her youngest sister (the youngest child of the brothers and sisters) to copd...and this last year they lost the oldest brother and today we buried yet another sister,her birthday is tomorrow she would have been 76yrs old!! She was such a wonderful Christian woman so we know that she is Heaven now and we are so Thankful for that,but she had a massive stroke on Friday morning and went into a coma and never woke up, this was so unexpected because she was always so very healthy,no health problems except for allergies and she did take medication for hbp.We are a big family and have always been very close and have always considered ourselves to be very blessed that we hadnt lost anyone. And then on July 19th,2006 my world came crashing down around me!!! 6 months after we lost my aunt, I lost my only daughter to a drunk driver!! But we truely do have a wonderful loving God and he has carried me every step of the way!! The bible tells us that he will always provide us with a comforter and i am here to tell you that that is a fact!! I dont think i could have made it thru these last few years if i did not know the Lord as my personel Savior. It is an awful thing watching someone you love so deeply die!!! I felt so sad for my mother these last few days,within the last few months she has been in and out of the hospital and me and my sister are doing everything we can to help take care of her and my dad. She is in such pain right now over losing yet another loved one and it hurts me so to see her hurt,and i am hurting myself as well. I know that one day soon we will be going thru the same thing with my own parents and it is a very scary thing to think about. I dont want to ever watch another one of my family members die, My aunt was on life support just like my daughter was,but because my daughter was an organ donor we did not have to go thur the tragedy of watching them take her off of life support I know that God knew that i couldnt take that, But we were all there when they unplugged the machines on my aunt and let me tell you it was awful!!!! I had beaten myself up before for not being with my daughter for her finale moments but i dont anymore and i am grateful to God that i didnt have to go thru that too, it was hard enough as it was, I begged the doctors not to take her off life support but i wasnt given a choice and i knew that she has already gone on to be with Jesus and that the body in that hospital bed was only the shell that had held my baby girls soul!! I also know that my aunt had already left her body too, but it was still so awful and sad just the same. Our time here on this earth is but only a little while....and it breaks my heart when i see people wasting there time being angry and resentful and not having a forgiving heart. I wonder how people survive such tragedies when they dont know the Lord it just seems so sad to me. Well i have found that writing my feelings and thoughts down helps me to feel a little bit better a type of healing i guess, not really intended for anyone or anything but if someone should read this and it makes any kind of difference in their life then i am truely happy!! My mother said to me "I dont understand why God would take such a sweet kind person who never hurt anyone" and i told her that God never intended for any of us to hurt or to have to die, we have Satan to blame for that and ourselves for being sinners, that sin is what causes death and disease and anything hurtful we can think of...Sin..not God!!! God only wants to love us and for us to love in return, and there is a song on the radio by Trace Atkins if anyone listens to country at all and he singing about how these are the good times and how your gonna miss this your gonna want this back you may not know it now but your gonna miss this!! And i believe that's true!! Hang on to every minute that you have with your babies even if your babies are grown becuz you never know when it's gonna be the last time you see them,talk to them,hung them, or tell them you love them. I miss my little girl everyday!! It's the first thing i think of when i wake up in the morning and the last thing i think of before i fall asleep!! But i know that one of these days im gonna see her again!! and i know that she has more love around her now than i could have ever given her as hard as that is to fathom. I am a very Blessed Woman!! Because God Loves Me!!! and he always always always sends a comforter!!!

May God Bless Us All,

Pam